You know the vibe. The vibe that makes your best friend Harry fall in love with you.
As does the server.
The flight attendant.
And the random guy who served you coffee last week.
You can’t help it. We get it.
So what do you do? How do you just turn off this God-given gift? No sweat, girl. We’ve got four ways to help you not attract guys at the gym.
How do you achieve this? Opt to wear a “Color Runs are Fun!” race t-shirt instead of your PINK pajama shirt from Victoria’s Secret. Also, wear your hair in a top knot. Straight guys apparently are not attractive to top knots. Lastly, don’t shave. Nothing says ‘not looking’ like prickly legs flailing on the treadmill.
This is a straightforward technique – you’ve probably done something like this a million times since you were 11. Just call your bestie. During this call, be sure to only bring up flaws that George Gym would care about. “Showering just isn’t my thing.” “I don’t know how to make a sandwich.” “I really ought to start looking for a job if I’m going to be gambling all day.”
^It helps if you actually have real, relevant flaws.*
If Gym George isn’t threatened by your bad hygiene and lack of sammie skills, time to step it up.
We call this, pulling the Ol’ King David routine. No serious skills required, just simply act like a madman. We just recommend you not throw the gym equipment around. George Gym will leave you alone after that, but then, you will be asked to leave gym. Forever.
Overall, just behave poorly. Like a squirrel or small child.
Sporadically acting like different ocean creatures is always classic. You can try tapping your finger to your nose. Lastly, repeating the phrase “A thousand cats is the way to heaven.” will frighten them on multiple levels.
If you’re not Single Sally by the end of that routine, you’re probably too cute for your own good and deserve to have a bad day.
Successfully not attracting guys at the gym since 2009